Fergus responds to the Apple ipad

There's been a lot of fuss in the house recently due to the announcement from Apple Computers of their latest gadget. Finally, yesterday, it was paraded out for all to see, the ipad. A flat A4 sized piece of glass that apparently is the best item of technology ever produced for the home market. Some boast, but I'm not so sure. Yes, with the new ipad you can connect with the internet, navigate around just using your fingertips, read your emails, listen to music, manage your photos, communicate with your social network - whatever that is - and access countless other 'apps' - that's 'applications' to those who are still able to manage a full vocabulary - but can it do anything really useful? Can it follow a scent, can it sound an alarm, can it offer comfort and companionship, and most importantly, can it open a tin of dog food?

The ipad, strange kind of a name, but it got me thinking of a way to I might be able to make a million and provide for my old age. We canines are pretty useful and come with a range of applications. We are cheaper to buy and have a much longer shelf life than any computer. We can learn, and are adaptive to many different situations. And most importantly, we dogs have pads. So why not? Why don't I launch the new, totally original and irreplaceable:

ipaw

Yes, the ipaw, ladies and gentleman, the latest 'must have' gadget. Available in various shapes and sizes to suit your personal taste, but every one is an original masterpiece.

Features:

- Battery life - usually ten years or more.
- Memory size - 100 DB* or more, depending on model. Excellent in dachshunds, although it may be applied selectively.
- Weight - mind your own business.
- Portability - self propelled, except when it is raining.
*DB = doggiebites

Functions:

Browser - the ipaw uses a totally revolutionary browser based on aroma and scent. Using well developed nasal passages, there is nothing that cannot be found by the ipaw. Navigated by not one touch sensitive pad but four on each control stick, otherwise known as legs.

Email - communication is handled via an audible binary code system, one bark for yes, two barks for more, three barks to go out for daily downloads and to search for uploads.

Social networking - Facebook groups can be established via howling at dusk, where invitations are made and accepted by neighbouring networks in the surrounding farms. Twittering, well this is best left to Ella. Myspace, by the fireside if I get there first.

Music - the ipaw music system runs off a the ihowl application, but we must admit to some teething problems.

GPS - ipaw will always get you home for food time.

Apps - the ipaw is the most adaptable and self learning item of equipment you are ever likely to own.

The Fergus ipaw - every one is an original, available in all colours

The Fergus ipaw - also works as a verb when he wants some attention.

A busman's holiday?

One of my most important roles at Cortijo Opazo, besides being chief taster of the morning biscuit, is the maintenance of standards, particularly where they may affect the enjoyment of our visitors. With this in mind, and the time of year being a quiet one, I suggested that we carry out a test of the two holiday rentals by having a mini break in them. This being agreed upon, myself, Ella and our two taller companions have this last week spent two days and nights in La Corona, and the same in El Lujar. All we could take was a small bag of personal items - a few boneos and a brush - but everything else had to be provided by the accommodation itself. It was also decided that at least one significant meal had to be cooked in each apartment - not that Ella and I saw much of this!

It was, I must say, a little disorientating waking up in the night in a strange environment - dogs, as I have said before, like nothing more then regular and repetitive routine - but this apart the experience was most enjoyable and I am pleased to report that the apartments are jolly comfortable indeed and, not surprisingly, we thoroughly recommend them. The whole experience has been a little too confusing for Ella since she is usually told to keep out of the holiday accommodation in case she is a nuisance. A girl with such a small head must surely have an even smaller brain to go inside, so we must make allowances for her undoubted reduced capacity to understand what is going on.


As for other matters, well you may recall my enthusiastic description of a plastic greenhouse tunnel that was installed here in December. This was going to change the way that seeds are sown and plants are cared for. We were all very positive about it. Unfortunately, during the harsh weather we experienced over the Christmas period the aforementioned poly tunnel has now gone, with the wind, and landed on our neighbour's in a tangled mess.



Obviously it was not the practical solution. Not to be defeated, the two tall ones have been constructing some rather elegant, wind defying boxes they call 'cold frames' under which the season's seeds will be cultivated. Very sturdy and solid and likely to last this time.

One of our two new 'cold frames'

Now, in secret, I have been gathering up some scraps of bone and am wondering, if I plant them carefully in a seed tray and place them under the protection of the cold frame, will they grow into a brand new tin of dog food. But let's keep this information between ourselves for now, not a word to Ella.

Yours, ever hopeful,

Fergus

Count your blessings

That's better, a little bit of January sunshine. On the national news last night they sent a reporter to Seville to look at the sun and to ask any Sevillanos who had taken to the streets whether they could remember the last time they saw the sun. It seems that in Andalucia the sun has been absent for more than three weeks - unheard of! Call it a national emergency!

It has to be said that whilst, from a dachshund's point of view, the weather has been pretty appalling, it has not actually been all that cold. I carried out a tour of the 'estate' today and noticed that the grass is actually growing thanks to the heavy rain and the buds are swelling on both the almond and the cherry trees. In fact almond blossom was spotted on some trees lower down the valley, which is very early in the year.



So, the two tall ones have been out working in the garden once more, digging, manuring and planting in the vegetable bed and tidying up as best they can. So busy were they that yesterday they must have forgotten that it was the fiesta of San Anton, a day which locally requires the blessing of the animals. Well, we clearly are a blessing but I am still waiting for my beatification.

Yours, practicing with angelic wings,

Fergus

Anyone know where the Arc is?

As I sit here, paws poised at the key board, I have to confess it is raining once more. Guests here at Cortijo Opazo often ask me: "What is the best time of year to come?" Difficult question, of course. For a dachshund, then any time that the fire might be alight is good for me, but I understand our guests usually want a little more than a comfy spot from which to read a book. January, for those who like to get out and about, is usually fabulous. The days are sunny, the skies clear, and the snow capped mountains add drama to the landscape. So far this year the landscape has largely been hidden by cloud, snow and rain. The reservoirs of Andalucia are said to have enough water to last until the end of 2011, so is enough enough? Most of Europe, it would seem, is currently covered in snow so I guess we should consider ourselves lucky that in this corner of the continent we can still get about.

Ella and I are spending much of the day indoors, waiting for the fire to be lit. Ella is driving herself, and the two tall ones, mad by wanting to go out, then scratching on the door to come in from the rain. I, on the other hand, am more reflective and spend my days thinking of the season that surely lies ahead, when the sun will warm us and the almond blossom will flower on the hillside.

There are, of course, more useful things Ella could be doing than looking for sticks to pester people with. She could, for example, become a vigilante guard, patrolling the land in order to ward off the unwelcome night time intruders that have arrived. I am speaking of the Jabali, or wild boar, that have been driven down from the high mountains by the cold weather and are looking for food. I have no idea what they think they might find under the soil of a well planted ornamental garden, but there's something they are after. It was only a matter of time, but it has happened. They crept up to the house under cover of night and have dug up a part of our well tended lawn, carved up the turfs with their strong tusks. William has made repairs, and all is well again, but it's a serious business.


To ensure it doesn't happen again I have observed the two tall ones taking preventative measures. They haven't shared their plan with me yet, but thin posts have been erected around the garden and a sort of metallic tape has been suspended from them. There is a box that has the title 'Electric Shepherd' on it, and this is connected to an electric plug socket. At night, it is turned on and makes a quiet 'clicking' sound. In the morning it is turned off again and so far, the wild boar have not returned. I don't know what particular powers this rather thin piece of tape holds but it seems to work; I would investigate in person, but I don't like to venture out into the wet. I must ask Ella if she will stick her nose into it to find out more.

Yours, thinking of spring,

Fergus